January 1st is getting closer and closer and I am getting more and more nervous! This time around I honestly can say I know what is in store for me. I know how difficult this journey is going to be and I am trying my best to stay one step ahead of the obstacles. But I know they are inevitable. I will have cravings, old habits creep up, naysayers who get in my head, and temptations at every corner. Giving up sugar is so much more than just the physical food. It's a lifestyle choice that is not considered "normal." And unlike other addictions, like drinking, gambling, drugs...you HAVE to eat. I just can't decide to never be around food anymore. And even though I could strip my house of absolutely everything that has sugar, I won't do that to my husband and kids. Going sugar free isn't just candy and cookies...it's anything that acts like sugar in the body. And for me, wheat and sugar go hand in hand. Oh and then there's my issue with dairy. Basically, I am not eating any sort of unrefined flour, dairy, gluten, or fruit in the beginning. And it's going to be TOUGH.
So I am taking this year to not only go sugar free, but to accomplish a lot of other projects I've been wanting to do for quite some time. One of my problems is eating/snacking while my two kids nap (you'd be amazed what I can pack away in just a 45 minute window). Here's what I hope to do instead:
Picture books - I have thousands of digital photos since my son arrived two and a half years ago. They need a home. And I didn't get any Christmas presents out this year so it's time to do some belated groveling with the fam.
Home decor - We've lived in this house a little over two years and I have bare walls and empty spaces everywhere.
Books - I miss reading. I haven't read a book since I was about 5 months pregnant with my now almost 8 month old daughter.
Correspondence - I used to pride myself on keeping in touch with friends and family, remembering birthdays, sending "just because" cards and little gifts. 2012 was just pathetic. I need to put some more work into these relationships.
I'm sure there are more things to do but this is a start. And so much of my time will be spent cooking and looking up new ideas for sugar-free meals that I am hoping keeping busy can help curb the cravings!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Those Dreaded Holidays...
Yowsa. I just returned from a trip back home for Christmas. I don't think I've consumed that much sugar in this entire past year. I don't know why but I just decided to throw caution to the wind and "mourn" my loss of sugar by inhaling anything and everything that would soon be gone from my life. A huge part of me knows it wasn't the best move. The more sugar you consume the tougher it is to go cold turkey. But I don't know, I think maybe I needed this. I needed to see what it was like to eat whatever I felt like. And honestly, except for the absolute pleasure I felt while eating the food, I was so disappointed in how out of control I was. The second it was time for dessert, that cookie, pie, or piece of chocolate consumed my every thought.
At this point in my life, I really cannot just eat whatever I want. My biological make-up is absolutely addicted to sugar. Non-believers or cynics would say I have no will-power, but the more research I do the more I realize how physically addicting this white substance is. Some say it's as addicting as cocaine. Believe what you want, but I know that I can't handle having any right now. My body is in need of some major healing. Only four days left and I have to admit I am getting more and more nervous every day! But after a few days like I've just had I know I can't handle even the smallest bit of sugar without losing sight of how I want to eat and take care of myself.
At this point in my life, I really cannot just eat whatever I want. My biological make-up is absolutely addicted to sugar. Non-believers or cynics would say I have no will-power, but the more research I do the more I realize how physically addicting this white substance is. Some say it's as addicting as cocaine. Believe what you want, but I know that I can't handle having any right now. My body is in need of some major healing. Only four days left and I have to admit I am getting more and more nervous every day! But after a few days like I've just had I know I can't handle even the smallest bit of sugar without losing sight of how I want to eat and take care of myself.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Mourning Sugar
Something I have learned from my reading on sugar addiction and sugar-free lifestyles is that it is OK to be sad about missing sugar. I have tried so many other times to stick with a mentality of, "Oh, it's sometimes difficult to not eat sugar, but I just know how well I feel without it and that motivates me." This is true, but the real truth, if I peel back the layers and really look at it...I will MISS sugar when I say good-bye to it.
Sugar is a buddy. It has sat with me on the couch while I watch television. I've taken it to movie theaters, friends' houses, baked with it on rainy weekend afternoons. So many of my childhood memories have sugar in them. Certain desserts remind me of people (my grandmom's chocolate cream pie! I can still taste it!), signify milestones (graduation parties, my wedding, etc) and there is something about the taste of something sweet that in the moment brings a smile to my face.
When I finally decided about a week ago that I was going to go sugar-free again, and try my absolute hardest to stick with it for at least one year, I told myself to make sure I used these last days to mourn sugar. To truly realize what I'd be giving up and how difficult this task would be. So the first few days I admit I have binged. I have savored every bite of every Christmas cookie and am trying to figure out a way to truly say "good bye" to my old pal. I've taken note of how food has popped up with friends and how we can share a common thread of sugar binges, craving desserts, or making baked goods for/with our kids. I've watched TV and acknowledged how many commercials have to do with sugar, and how dominant its presence is in our overall culture.
When I go sugar-free, I will be somewhat of an outcast. And that is something I have ignored and not recognized in the past. I am a person who really cares what others think of me, and deep down I like to blend in and be considered "normal." A rebel I am not. And eating this kind of a diet makes you stick out. It shines a spotlight on you and you are constantly being challenged and your intentions misunderstood. "You're not fat, why are you doing this?" "I love my desserts too much to part with them, I couldn't do that." "Are you some sort of health nut." Then there are the other people who feel as thought I am judging them for eating sugar and feel uncomfortable eating desserts in front of me. Or they apologize for eating in front of me, hoping they are not tempting me. Or they ask if I just want one bite of something and when I tell them I can't they look at me a little strangely, like I have an eating disorder or super unhealthy relationship with food.
There's definitely a lot more to this then just not eating sugar. This is the main reason I am writing about it this go around. I need a place to vent my feelings and keep me centered. I need a reminder for why I AM doing this.
Sugar is a buddy. It has sat with me on the couch while I watch television. I've taken it to movie theaters, friends' houses, baked with it on rainy weekend afternoons. So many of my childhood memories have sugar in them. Certain desserts remind me of people (my grandmom's chocolate cream pie! I can still taste it!), signify milestones (graduation parties, my wedding, etc) and there is something about the taste of something sweet that in the moment brings a smile to my face.
When I finally decided about a week ago that I was going to go sugar-free again, and try my absolute hardest to stick with it for at least one year, I told myself to make sure I used these last days to mourn sugar. To truly realize what I'd be giving up and how difficult this task would be. So the first few days I admit I have binged. I have savored every bite of every Christmas cookie and am trying to figure out a way to truly say "good bye" to my old pal. I've taken note of how food has popped up with friends and how we can share a common thread of sugar binges, craving desserts, or making baked goods for/with our kids. I've watched TV and acknowledged how many commercials have to do with sugar, and how dominant its presence is in our overall culture.
When I go sugar-free, I will be somewhat of an outcast. And that is something I have ignored and not recognized in the past. I am a person who really cares what others think of me, and deep down I like to blend in and be considered "normal." A rebel I am not. And eating this kind of a diet makes you stick out. It shines a spotlight on you and you are constantly being challenged and your intentions misunderstood. "You're not fat, why are you doing this?" "I love my desserts too much to part with them, I couldn't do that." "Are you some sort of health nut." Then there are the other people who feel as thought I am judging them for eating sugar and feel uncomfortable eating desserts in front of me. Or they apologize for eating in front of me, hoping they are not tempting me. Or they ask if I just want one bite of something and when I tell them I can't they look at me a little strangely, like I have an eating disorder or super unhealthy relationship with food.
There's definitely a lot more to this then just not eating sugar. This is the main reason I am writing about it this go around. I need a place to vent my feelings and keep me centered. I need a reminder for why I AM doing this.
And so it begins (again)
This is a place where I intend to document, journal, and share my journey as I embark on the challenge of living a sugar-free lifestyle for the year of 2013.
In the fall of2006, I began having a chronic problem with my left knee. I had taken up road-racing in the spring and shortly after completing my first half-marathon I started to feel a horrible pain around my patella tendon. I have spent years trying to figure out exactly what is wrong and am unfortunately still looking for the answer. But this blog isn't about my knee. This is about a discovery I made while searching for answers to my knee problem.
I am addicted to sugar.
I am talking about real addiction. The kind that makes you feel pathetic when you tell people how powerful your cravings are. Right this very minute I have a friend who is dropping off a holiday present and I am imagining it being a baked good that I can eat. Through lots of reading and three attempts to live sugar-free, I have discovered that I truly have two different qualities of life: one when I'm eating sugar, one when I'm not. Over the past few months I have been searching for myself a bit. I recently had my second baby and am a college educated stay-at-home mom. I live far from my roots and my husband is taken away from the home a lot through his work and school. With my only company being a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old I spend a lot of time in my head. And lately there is a LOT going on in there. I'd love to use this blog to sort some of it out, but in summary I can tell you that all roads lead to being sugar-free.
I know to many this seems ludicrous. Probably impossible to some. And I know how difficult it is going to be. I've tried three times, I've done all the research. But it's time to take my life in my own hands and not care about what others think. So I decided to keep this blog through my journey. The longest I have gone sugar-free is about 5 months. I plan to do it for 12 and then see if I can slowly introduce some natural sugars back into my system. Maybe a year is all my body needs to heal, maybe it needs 5 years, maybe more. I'm about to find out.
January 1st is right around the corner. I am equal parts excited and terrified. Let the journey begin!
In the fall of2006, I began having a chronic problem with my left knee. I had taken up road-racing in the spring and shortly after completing my first half-marathon I started to feel a horrible pain around my patella tendon. I have spent years trying to figure out exactly what is wrong and am unfortunately still looking for the answer. But this blog isn't about my knee. This is about a discovery I made while searching for answers to my knee problem.
I am addicted to sugar.
I am talking about real addiction. The kind that makes you feel pathetic when you tell people how powerful your cravings are. Right this very minute I have a friend who is dropping off a holiday present and I am imagining it being a baked good that I can eat. Through lots of reading and three attempts to live sugar-free, I have discovered that I truly have two different qualities of life: one when I'm eating sugar, one when I'm not. Over the past few months I have been searching for myself a bit. I recently had my second baby and am a college educated stay-at-home mom. I live far from my roots and my husband is taken away from the home a lot through his work and school. With my only company being a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old I spend a lot of time in my head. And lately there is a LOT going on in there. I'd love to use this blog to sort some of it out, but in summary I can tell you that all roads lead to being sugar-free.
I know to many this seems ludicrous. Probably impossible to some. And I know how difficult it is going to be. I've tried three times, I've done all the research. But it's time to take my life in my own hands and not care about what others think. So I decided to keep this blog through my journey. The longest I have gone sugar-free is about 5 months. I plan to do it for 12 and then see if I can slowly introduce some natural sugars back into my system. Maybe a year is all my body needs to heal, maybe it needs 5 years, maybe more. I'm about to find out.
January 1st is right around the corner. I am equal parts excited and terrified. Let the journey begin!
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