I am an anxious person by nature. Or nurture. Whatever your theory is, I've got anxiety. I've experienced the butterflies in my stomach, nausea, and shaking hands over all of life's stressors (big, small, nonsensical) for as long as I can remember.
When I was a little kid I remember being so nervous for tests at school. Really nervous. I was anxious about calling my friends up on the phone, to the point of a panic attack happening inside of my body. I had a lot of fears about lots of things - some normal for kids my age, some a little more out of the ordinary.
As I got older the nerves and worrying got even worse. I was wound up so tight in high school. My entire being would feel like it was shaking and panicking if I thought I was going to be late for anything. Even for the movies! My stress for tests and sports games increased. At the time, I really didn't think anything of this, but in my 20s I started to analyze what my childhood was like and I realized how much of it was spent feeling nervous and anxious. And I was still feeling that way, through college and most of my 20s. When my life felt really out of control I would get huge headaches and feel a tension coursing through my entire body. I'd be ready to blow up at a moment's notice if something didn't go my way. I know we all have stress, and maybe some of you think this is totally normal. But I will say that most of what stressed me out really wouldn't have been a big deal to other people. My life has always been fairly cushy, I've been very fortunate to not face too many hardships.
It wasn't until I started seeing a therapist that I really analyzed and looked at these behaviors from an objective point of view. I won't go into all those details on this blog (I'll leave some of my life private!) but I definitely felt an improvement in how I handled situations and dealt with my anxiety.
Then, in 2009 I went off sugar, dairy and gluten for three weeks. As I've mentioned before, my hunger levels improved and my energy went up but the most surprising and encouraging effect was my anxiety levels. They plummeted I found I could go through my day and face all the obstacles that life throws at you (missing a green light, having an argument with someone, not finishing a task) without getting worked up. I also was really optimistic...about everything! My relationships, my past, my future, my goals, challenges, etc. It was as though the sugar was rushing through my body and making me go at warp-speed and clouding my brain. Now I know that it was indeed partly due to the sugar...most of the research I've done states that sugar can cause symptoms like anxiety and depression.
Now that I am a month into this year, once again my anxiety levels are dropping. And for this stage in my life, being a stay-at-home mom with two little kids, my patience levels have tripled. I won't lie and say I haven't ever snapped at my toddler this month, but those incidences have been few and very far between. I've even gone through days where I've been up most of the night and they've woken me up at 5:15 and I'm able to make it through all the twists and turns without feeling the tension in my body or the need to explode. My outlook on everything has improved as well. And I KNOW this is because the sugar is out of my body.
So this really is the number one reason I am doing this. I like who I am when I don't have sugar in my life. I don't particularly like the Brooke that is wound up, snappy, and incapable of dealing with anything that isn't perfect. And I look at my kids and want them to have a mom who is calm and patient (most of the time). I don't want to create an anxious environment in this household for them. And lucky for me, I am married to THE calmest man on the planet. And that is not an exaggeration. Between my therapy, spouse, and diet I am really confident that my 30s and beyond are going to be a bit chiller :)
* I definitely don't want it to seem like sugar was the only reason I am anxious and now that it's gone I'll never be anxious. Anxiety is part of me, always has been and always will be. And I attribute a lot of my improvements to the therapy I did and having a really fantastic husband to support me and model calm behavior for me. BUT, I really do think having sugar in my body makes it more difficult for me to remain calm. And I think without it, I'm less likely to hit the tipping point. We're made up of a body, mind, and soul. And sugar has a huge impact on my body. So taking that part out of the equation makes it easier for me to be the whole self I want to be!
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